Self reflection is the word that comes to my mind right now.
Appreciated behavior or behavior that would be appreciated is a very accurate description of how many of us would think.
Yes maybe not everything is bad or for a wrong reason. But the idea I would connect here is that such a behavior should be good for the person himself first.
It should serve him or her first.
Only then it can be beneficial for others.
But this can be a long talk.
A talk we don't do often.
A talk about who we are first and how do we want to serve the people around us
Do we want to serve them for the sake of appreciation and image
Or do we want to serve them because that's what WE ( you and I) want to do ?
Is it a purpose or a shadow you are chasing?
Because purpose will fulfill you+ serve others around you.
A shadow may seem shiny right now but won't be forever, so what do you choose?
I totally agree with you about behaviour being for the person themselves first. People pleasing is something I’m really working through at the moment: I’ve found myself thinking more about what other people think than the impact my thoughts or actions have on me first. I think this self-reflection/insight is something that I’ve grown into in my later 20s/30s: having confidence in myself, first and foremost, and then finding that I’m more confident around others and give them more value.
But it is, as you say, a big talk to have with ourselves and hard work to keep practising / choosing.
Absolutely Holly. It's like no day is perfect, every day we have to keep trying, keep remaining mindful and do what needs to be done for the day.
One thought has to be amplified in multiple ways/ repetitions in a sustainable way every single day to make that impact on You.
I find writing down on paper helps me connect with myself better. It's a self reflection exercise and gets better with time I feel.
And the point about people pleasing is so on point. Many times we can't realize right away, but as we get in the self reflection mind, we are able to differentiate looking back what is really for us and what was more of people pleasing.
Terrific essay, and thanks for the mention, Holly! As a side note: I like how Romance languages use two different words for "power". In French: "pouvoir" and "puissance", in Spanish, "poder" and "potencia". Maybe this equates to "power" vs "potency" in English as well... The former means something like "power over", a form of influence that you (wish to) get, that you (wish to) acquire over others, or rather, that others may recognise in you and submit to--it's a fundamentally ego-driven and competitive ("stony") quality... The latter means "power to", or "being able to", one's own mastery, one's own talent or creativity--it's a giving quality. I guess the Beowulf poem shows how "puissance" may be conducive to "pouvoir", no?
Ooh that is so interesting with the language used for ‘power’! I love learning about the origins of words and the different, literal meanings they have had along the way. I used to teach my students about etymology and morphology when I was a teacher; it has always fascinated me. Thank you for sharing!
> This is not to say that there is necessarily anything wrong with this. I think we tend to think power = bad, and it is certainly true that power has been abused by some for bad means. We often associate power with trampling over others - but does this have to be the case? Can we be admired by others without becoming proud or arrogant, for example?
I think about this pretty much all of the time. And the place where I usually land back is that acquiring power for power's sake (i.e. power as intrinsic good) is negative, egotistical etc., but also failing to value power at all is not helpful to anyone. I think it's really important to believe that change can happen in the world and to back your own vision to change it to a degree where you don't fall into narcissism nor being effectively unhelpful to those around you.
And I feel it's less about seeking to be admired, and more about having capacity to influence / campaign for what you believe is good
I’m totally with you on using power to affect change: this is such a valuable way that people can use their influence for good. I’m always so grateful when those with more power than me (on a larger scale) campaign for what is good and actually bring about change.
Great writing Holly. Thought provoking.
Self reflection is the word that comes to my mind right now.
Appreciated behavior or behavior that would be appreciated is a very accurate description of how many of us would think.
Yes maybe not everything is bad or for a wrong reason. But the idea I would connect here is that such a behavior should be good for the person himself first.
It should serve him or her first.
Only then it can be beneficial for others.
But this can be a long talk.
A talk we don't do often.
A talk about who we are first and how do we want to serve the people around us
Do we want to serve them for the sake of appreciation and image
Or do we want to serve them because that's what WE ( you and I) want to do ?
Is it a purpose or a shadow you are chasing?
Because purpose will fulfill you+ serve others around you.
A shadow may seem shiny right now but won't be forever, so what do you choose?
YOU or the image of YOU?
I totally agree with you about behaviour being for the person themselves first. People pleasing is something I’m really working through at the moment: I’ve found myself thinking more about what other people think than the impact my thoughts or actions have on me first. I think this self-reflection/insight is something that I’ve grown into in my later 20s/30s: having confidence in myself, first and foremost, and then finding that I’m more confident around others and give them more value.
But it is, as you say, a big talk to have with ourselves and hard work to keep practising / choosing.
Absolutely Holly. It's like no day is perfect, every day we have to keep trying, keep remaining mindful and do what needs to be done for the day.
One thought has to be amplified in multiple ways/ repetitions in a sustainable way every single day to make that impact on You.
I find writing down on paper helps me connect with myself better. It's a self reflection exercise and gets better with time I feel.
And the point about people pleasing is so on point. Many times we can't realize right away, but as we get in the self reflection mind, we are able to differentiate looking back what is really for us and what was more of people pleasing.
Terrific essay, and thanks for the mention, Holly! As a side note: I like how Romance languages use two different words for "power". In French: "pouvoir" and "puissance", in Spanish, "poder" and "potencia". Maybe this equates to "power" vs "potency" in English as well... The former means something like "power over", a form of influence that you (wish to) get, that you (wish to) acquire over others, or rather, that others may recognise in you and submit to--it's a fundamentally ego-driven and competitive ("stony") quality... The latter means "power to", or "being able to", one's own mastery, one's own talent or creativity--it's a giving quality. I guess the Beowulf poem shows how "puissance" may be conducive to "pouvoir", no?
Ooh that is so interesting with the language used for ‘power’! I love learning about the origins of words and the different, literal meanings they have had along the way. I used to teach my students about etymology and morphology when I was a teacher; it has always fascinated me. Thank you for sharing!
@John Paul Davis thanks for sharing!
> This is not to say that there is necessarily anything wrong with this. I think we tend to think power = bad, and it is certainly true that power has been abused by some for bad means. We often associate power with trampling over others - but does this have to be the case? Can we be admired by others without becoming proud or arrogant, for example?
I think about this pretty much all of the time. And the place where I usually land back is that acquiring power for power's sake (i.e. power as intrinsic good) is negative, egotistical etc., but also failing to value power at all is not helpful to anyone. I think it's really important to believe that change can happen in the world and to back your own vision to change it to a degree where you don't fall into narcissism nor being effectively unhelpful to those around you.
And I feel it's less about seeking to be admired, and more about having capacity to influence / campaign for what you believe is good
I’m totally with you on using power to affect change: this is such a valuable way that people can use their influence for good. I’m always so grateful when those with more power than me (on a larger scale) campaign for what is good and actually bring about change.