Secrets by the River: An Affectionate Moment Amidst Betrayal

Bertha's Tale: A Novel - episode 14.

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Bertha’s voice 
Canterbury, Kent 
c. A.D. 581

The peace of this place is intoxicating, other-worldly almost, and I lean into it hard.

It is grounding, spending time here.

And today I need to be grounded. I cannot bear to be in the palace as Hild roars her baby into the world, each cry a dagger to my heart. The child is the physical embodiment of all that has gone wrong in my marriage, the product of my husband’s infidelity, and it is too much for me to witness their arrival.

I rest my head against the tree trunk behind me, knowing that it has stood far longer than I have been alive, and will outlive me considerably. Its enduring presence is comforting amidst the shifting sands of my life. I pull my knees in tighter, the earth sharp underfoot, and close my eyes.

The riverbank has been my safe place ever since I came here, just over a year ago. It is more of a stream than a river, really, the water trickling and gurgling as it journeys past, tripping over rocks in a tumble of bubbles. Jelly-like clusters of spawn have collected in the cracks and corners made by twigs and stones; soon frogs will abound, croaking and hopping to the delight of the palace’s children. My refuge will be trampled over, I am sure, as they try to pocket the poor creatures, sneaking them past their disapproving mothers to keep them for themselves. Or, at least, that’s what I would do, if I were still the little girl who barely spent a summer moment indoors.

There was a stream like this one back home, winding its way to one of the many tributaries of the roaring Seine. I was forever being scolded by my stepmother for returning soaked through, the rush of the water proving too irresistible for my young soul. In Spring we would pull our hems up to our knees and wade, ankle deep, into the water, but by midsummer we would tear off our clothes and swim as far as we dared. We would play for hours on end, infantile games of chase and make-believe transporting us away, briefly, from the weight of our worldly position. If only it was as easy to escape now.

I breathe deeply, filling my lungs. I take my time, luxuriating in this moment.